One year has passed and still you haunt me, my boy.It’s been one year since Jack turned sheet white and non-responsive.
It has been one year since I handed Jack over to the paramedics and kissed his forehead, told him mommy loves him, and hold tight. Mommy will make it all better.
One year since the ambulance drove as fast as it could go, the pedal to the floor.
It’s been one year since I phoned my husband in the middle of the night and told him I was more frightened than I have ever been before.
It has been one year since the paramedics met the emergency response team and they ran off with my son, calling out a code. One year since I stood and watched them try and find a pulse, insert a central line, and scream medical terms that I understood all too well.
One year since my mouth ran dry as cotton and my heart thumped like a rabbit’s.
It’s been one year since I asked to sit in a dark room and wait to hear any news. I couldn’t handle watching his little body lie there lifeless as they tried to perform an act of God and bring him back to me.
One year since his pediatrician, bedraggled and haggard, with the light from the hall shining behind him, walk into that dark room and just start to weep. One year since a stream of doctors and nurses entered after him and patted me on the knee and apologised for not being able to save him.
It has been one year since I sat there in disbelief and terror and waited to shed a tear while others around me wept.
It has been one year since my husband ran into that dark room and looked at me with fear and hope in his eyes. It has been one year since I had to muster the strength to tell him he was too late, his son passed away, I couldn’t save him.
One year since I last saw my baby, kissed his face, sang his song and said good bye.
One year since I walked out of that hospital, childless, with Jack’s clothing in a plastic white bag, and Taylor by my side.
One year since I drove home in silence.
It has been one year and it still hurts as much as it did the day it happened.
One year and I haven’t stopped missing my Jack-in-a-box.
One year and I still haven’t stopped loving him.
One year and I still wish every damn day that fateful night had turned out differently.
It has been one year.
I’m worn out with wishing.This was ALL a STOLEN post!!!
I belong to an online board (July Little Sparklers '07) that I have been part of since I found out I was pregnant with DD. We have become a really close group and have even has some meet ups with each other. It's been wonderful to trade advice and stories and try to be better mommy's to our children. This story is really sad and even though I didn't have my blog accessible unless you knew the address I still wanted one more added protection for my kids.
Here's a post from the '08 board whom we mentored while they were PG and after having their babies:
Hi guys! I'm finally back with an update about the 08 board!
This will be lengthy, so hang in there...
A couple of weeks ago, I was surfing the internet, reading different blogs, and came across the blog of a man whose daughter had passed away last April. As I read his words, I began to realize that they were very familiar to me… so familiar, in fact, that I was certain I’d read them before. The pieces came together in my mind as I realized that Ashley had posted the very same things on her blog as her own. I quickly pulled up her blog to confirm this. When I began searching on Google, using various phrases from her many blogs, I discovered that approximately 95% of the posts had been stolen from other websites… even nonsensical, funny posts were a complete rip-off. At first, wanting to believe the best, I thought that perhaps she was grieving and at such a loss for words that she “borrowed” from others, but the logical part of my brain just could not accept that as reality.
With growing concern over whom this person truly was and what their intentions were with us and our children, we locked our site, and an investigation was launched. The bottom line is this:
Ashley Stewart never existed; rather, she is a fictional identity created by a young lady from British Columbia by the name of Ashley, but with a different last name. She has used various pictures and stories from her family members, and has actually used the face of her cousin, Kori, as her identity. The child we all knew as Jack is actually Kori's son, Noah, and he is alive and well. He just turned 2, in fact. Ashley's "second child", Isabella, is actually her sister's daughter.
I contacted Kori, who immediately called Ashley for an explanation. Upon confrontation, she admitted to all of this, but claims it was a "social experiment" gone too far. The extent and detail of the fraud committed is mindboggling, and to think that she has kept this up for over two years is astounding. We believe that there must be some mental instability, because she truly seems to live in this fantasy world she has created. You all know the heartache our group suffered as part of this little ploy. We all have babies the same age as "Jack"- in fact, my son, Caleb, shared his supposed birthday. We made a huge emotional investment in her all for nothing. We are chillingly disgusted, to say the least.
Due to the serious nature of this activity (i.e., identity theft, fraud, posting pictures of someone else’s child as her own, etc.), the Serious Crimes Division (including a Behavioral Profiler) of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have been consulted. They advised that, though no prosecutable crime has yet been committed, international fraud involving children is taken with extreme seriousness. Per the instructions of the police, if Ashley is to pursue contact with any of the women on the board, or those whom they are associated with, the police will be further notified.
As you can imagine, we were horrified to learn that someone who was falsifying their identity was in our midst, daily; especially considering the primary focus of this board was our children. We have substantial concern over why someone would go to such lengths (i.e., Was she taking photos of our children for harmful purposes?). I have since spoken with Kori, and her two sisters, Montana and Nikki, and have learned that Ashley is currently working in a daycare setting. As a mother, I would be horrified to learn that this person was caring for my child. Not only could she be stealing the identities of children in this setting, but more disconcerting is the fact that she has easy access to these children. Should her obsession with children ever escalate and she become interested in stealing a baby, it would be far too easy. They plan to notify her employer of this.
So that, in a nutshell, is the story. We've banned her from our board, and she's taken down her blogs and Facebook profile. Kori says that her parents are devastated (could you imagine learning this about your daughter?), and getting help for her ASAP.
We're still picking up all the pieces, but we've unlocked the old board for viewing only. We've relocated to a new site, and I don't want to open it up until everyone feels comfortable with it, after all we've been through. I'm sure you all understand!
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